My brain says no but my pants say off.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize