He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need a beard to bite.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
