I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I supernannyed him into submission
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
