Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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