I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
