Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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