Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
