And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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