i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
