Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just had sex on a roof
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
