Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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