I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
did you just send me my own nude
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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