I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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