My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
