I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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