I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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