he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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