I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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