honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
