I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
