one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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