he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
