i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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