I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
