You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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