I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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