i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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