Since when is my name a synonym for head?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
