try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize