He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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