Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
