Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
