a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize