Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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