so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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