So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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