I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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