Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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