I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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