I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
