i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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