I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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