The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's official drugs can't kill me
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
