So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she smelled like a LAN party
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
