YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
