i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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