Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
