people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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