Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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