My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
