He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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