No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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