its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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