I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
