do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
