He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
