this beer tastes like vomit already
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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