Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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