Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
did i just pee glitter
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
