I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
