"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
