I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
