Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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