I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
