Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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