she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
