Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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