I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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