I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
