My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
