is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
