Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
