Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
