i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
