I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
