I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
