I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
