Barsexuality is the new black.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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