dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize