She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
