my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
