And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
