??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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