That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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