I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
