I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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