My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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