So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
