Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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