I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Damn victory sex feels great
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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