Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
