I'm lost and stupid without you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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