I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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