The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
