no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
