He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Enjoy the penises
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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