We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
